Not yet…

I’m applying to grad school. I can do this. I would get to stay at home, within my comfort zone, and just keep getting better, and solidify old friendships, and see my adorable nephews and nieces, and learn. I could go to classes and make something of my life. I would be happy. I would be content. I would be safe.

Adventure and risk don’t make things inherently valuable. Just because I’m doing something that I know I’ll be good at and succeed in, and not having to struggle for it does not mean it’s a bad thing. I mean, I would still have to work. I would be learning. Writing. Reading. Studying.

I just wouldn’t have to leave yet. I wouldn’t have to be so completely alone. I could stay for a while longer. I could get stronger. I could learn to be independent again. 

I was independent once. I did a lot of independent things. But sometimes you need other people. Sometimes you can’t actually get up and move to Arkansas and play ukulele on the street for money, because you don’t have a license, or money, or a place to stay, or the physical strength to keep that up for more than a few hours. Sometimes you just got to do something that you know you are actually able to do. That you know is actually smart to do.

And maybe, someday, when you have your Masters in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages, and your driver’s license, and your legs go a complete day without hurting at all, then you can move away and try surviving on your own.

Someday, but not yet.





About writingcatherine

This started as a documentation of my adventures in Europe...but hey, life's an adventure in itself.
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