Soon and very soon

It’s Wednesday March 6, 2013. Day 89 of the neck brace, 6 days left.

That’s pretty darn exciting. Especially considering that for the first 21 to 40 of those days I thought my life was pretty much over. Really.
Recovering from surgery for 3 months and then being put in a neck brace for a broken neck, I thought that might have been the end.

I’m sitting here now and thinking about how overly dramatic I was being. Overly depressed too. Human emotions and thoughts are amazing things. Horrible sometimes. Pathetic. I spent forty days miserable because I was helpless and felt useless. I felt worse those days than I did right after surgery when I was in the hospital. Or at least my memory made it seem like I was. Perhaps I was.

I’m still in a neck brace, and yet my mood is drastically different. I do take my neck brace off more often, but overall I’ve grown accustomed to it. My room mate asked me what the first thing I was going to do when I got my neck brace off. I didn’t know. I hadn’t thought about it in so long. I really don’t know how much I believe it’s coming.

Life without a neck brace.

The idea kind of hits me like a wave on a sandy beach. Footprints of pain get washed away every time another wave hits. Slow waves lapping at the beach, serenely, patiently, washing the words away and shaping the land.

There’s my poetry for you, I’m looking forward to the waves of a new day without a neck brace. I’m looking back and critiquing myself for how hopeless I felt. I probably shouldn’t be so hard on myself. On my three month climb to recovery, I found out I was only halfway up the mountain when I thought I had reached its peak. With all my energy spent, I was pretty sure I was going to fall off. I inched my way up those rocks. Crawled. And somehow I managed to not teeter off into the howling abyss.

Six more days.


About writingcatherine

This started as a documentation of my adventures in Europe...but hey, life's an adventure in itself.
This entry was posted in The Surgery Story - Chiari Malformation. Bookmark the permalink.

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