Endurance

When I was 8, I broke my hip and spent three months in a wheelchair.At 14 I broke my toe in the middle of my foot and was in a cast for several months. I was in crutches at 17 because of muscle spasms across the sides of my torso. I got all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed one summer, and another summer I spent a week with gauze in my nose after having a deviated septum repaired. This September I had brain surgery and stayed in the hospital a week before I went home to recover for 3 months. This December I found out that the vertebrae they operated on had a small break in it, and now I’m in a neck brace.

I don’t see how this is fair. I mean, I survived all those other things, brain surgery even, and now I get to the last 2 months and a week of wearing a neck brace and my spirits have finally been completely crushed? I mean, I thought that might have happened a minute there the day I threw up in the hospital and spent the evening staring at the floor, but then I got a hug from my niece, took a pain pill, and I was fine!

Put me in a neck brace, tell me I can’t move my neck, make me face awkwardness in public while going to my final semester of college as well as giving me an additional three months of losing independence I was gaining, and -POOF- Catherine sits and stares at a plant for two days.

I usually go about my days with an imaginary audience following me around. I care about what I do and pretend that the imaginary audience cares too. I try to amuse them, play my ukulele, dance when no one’s looking, sing at the top of my lungs when I think the house is empty, but then the neck brace came and I did not care.
Perhaps my imaginary audience sounds a little crazy, (I have a combination of youngest child syndrome, living in California, and 3 years of acting classes in high school to blame for it) but that was just the way I lived my life. Now all I can do to amuse my audience is be overly dramatic and cry in a neck brace at night. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the deep drama that I’m presenting, but drama is depressing.

I have 10 weeks in a neck brace left and I expect all I’ll have to show at the end of those 10 weeks is a neck that I can move again. That makes me exceptionally happy, but in the meantime all I have is drama. That and going back to college in 7 days.

So that’s why I haven’t posted on here in a while, not even to say “Happy New Year” or anything, because I just want to get through these next 10 weeks as quickly as possible and for some reason I think that if I don’t document this painful time it will pass by faster. Maybe it’s true, I have made it nearly a month already, but living in silence can also make the pain a bit worse.

I guess I’ll try to post then, to keep my spirits up, like I’m trying to do on facebook with my list of the positives of being in a neck brace (Positive#30: It’s better than being in a swamp with baby crocodiles), and in the mean time I’ll attempt to do schoolwork I was supposed to have done in December.

Sincerely, Neck Brace

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About writingcatherine

This started as a documentation of my adventures in Europe...but hey, life's an adventure in itself.
This entry was posted in The Surgery Story - Chiari Malformation and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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