I was teaching a lesson in an adult ESL class today, as part of a research project for grad school, and I was super nervous, but by the end of it I was energized and excited and the students were happy and learned something. Then I wound up inviting myself to come the next week and give them a post-post-test and also sing one of the songs I wrote to teach the simple past tense to them or something, and the students were even happier and I was pretty happy too.
And driving home I was super energetic and pumped up, and then I was excited for the prospect of teaching English at some point, and then I was thinking about how I needed to get a summer job, and then I started working on my resume, and then all my energy and plans kinda bubbled away as I looked at my computer screen and rediscovered my lack of actual work experience.
I’ve had some great internship and volunteer experience recently, but not a lot of actual jobs where I am completely in charge of my own class or my own student, and I plan the complete syllabus. I’ve designed lessons and taught classes, and students, but all on the small scale, a couple classes, a couple hours of tutoring, nothing long term.
Which is fine, because I’m still learning, but it’s harder to get into the long term when all you do is short term.
So, all my energy dwindled away as I looked at where I want to go and the steps that lie in the way and I realized once more that I’m going to have to be patient and take what I can get….and slowly build up to that point where I actually have my own class.
Or I can just give a bunch of places my resume and then get hired and be thrown into a situation that I don’t feel entirely prepared for, but somehow I’ll thrive instead of drowning in the weight of it all. That’d be fun.
Maybe I’ll try that.